Zerva, The Melee God?
by EderNimrais
Summary: This is not a joke, this is the beginning of some of the craziest ideas I have ever heard from someone that has actually worked in an Agarest game. Be prepared for destroying what a character is purpose to be in favor of a completely different play style... How in the hell does this even work for a battlemage! Could be considered a rant in a way.


EderNimrais sat in his wooden rocking chair while playing a game of Record of Agarest War for him Xbox 360, trying to think of some idea to help with his longest reign of writer's block on Hardt of a High Elf he has ever had. He finished a simple battle on the first generation when he thought he misheard what his pal said.

"Wait… what?"

"You heard me right Sound, I have made Zerva into a melee god."

The only other person in the Xbox party by the name that the male rocking in his chair called Sound said. He grabbed a cotton swap and cleaned out his ears but remembered he just cleaned them two days ago.

"Josh, what the hell are you on? You know as well as I do that Zerva is the Pokémon trainer of the group of six." Sound said, stating that all Zerva seemed to do is capture the monsters.

"Like I said, Zerva, is the melee god of Agarest War."

"Okay seriously, stop. Zerva's stats are for a battle mage and not a frontline fighter like Leo or Silvi Rex."

"Then give him the Halper Scythe."

"You mean the scythe that you get from the adventures guild for 2500 TP, why the heck would I give him such a weapon?"

"Alright listen, tell me the stat weapons of what Leo and Rex have and I'll prove they are inferior to the god of melee." The man named Josh said and challenged his fighting/JRPG/random game partner.

"Fine…"

Sound closed his menu and pulled up his party menu to show Leonhardt, Rex, Vashtor, Ellis, Thoma and Murmina as the active party characters. He opened Leo up and looked at his blade called simple the Gram

"1668 for Leo's base sword damage."

"HA!" Josh exclaimed on the mic as a sweat drop formed on the head of Sound. "1753 damage."

"Wait, higher… How the hell does that thing beat that sword?!" Sound yelled to a laugh from Josh erupted

"Like I said, Zerva is a melee god."

"Just because you gave Zerva a freaking strong scythe doesn't mean that he is now a god dude, why not give it to Dyshana if that's the case?"

"Because I haven't unlocked her."

"Because you fucked up."

"Hey, it's because you didn't tell me I had to have a neutral alignment to get the woman anyway."

"You were so far off from true ending that- nevermind, explain to me how you made him into a supposed god of melee?"

"Because I gave him the Halper Scythe."

"Besides that stupid weapon."

"Earth Dragon armor."

"…" Sound did not say a word, remembering that this is his first playthrough of the first Agarest game and yet he has made Zerva into something he was not originally suppose to be. "You realized that he will die on you playthrough on hard correct?"

"Then you test run it for me and see for yourself how epic he is."

"Fine." Sound said and threw Zerva in to replace Vashtor and gave the syrium the Halper Scythe. _"Seriously, why the heck am I even trying this. Might as well save my game and fight a dragon with him doing the work."_ Sound thought to himself and loaded and area with just one dragon on the field. "Alright Josh, let's see if what you said can hold up to a hard mode match.

After everyone else just stood their ground on the field, Zerva attacked the black dragon and nearly took out the beast without the assistance of combination arts or teamwork. Sound rubbed his eyes to see the stupidity that was before him but saw the beast nearly die from a battlemage turn melee warrior.

"What… the hell did I just witness…"

"Melee god Sound, I told ya."

"That's it, I'm done." Sound dashboarded off the game and onto internet explorer to listen to some music. "So explain to me how this all transpired to you find out about this little… thing, I don't know how to even describe it."

"Alright, so I was sick of Zerva doing jack shit for damage compared to Ellis and Vira-Lorr's magical abilities. So I decided to say what the hell and threw in the Halper Scythe after getting a hell lot of TP."

"And the end result is you making Zerva into a fighter that has more damage then either Leo and Rex can dish out per hit."

"You never did tell me Rex's weapon."

"Doesn't matter, Leo had the strong weapon so if he couldn't beat Zerva, Rex can't. You know this sounds so awkward saying that Uncle Zerva is stronger than Rex."

Once more Josh busted out laughing. Then Sound remembered that he chose Luana as the wife for first gen just for the heck of it.

"Wait… if you are able to break Zerva's character, what the hell are you gonna do to a breaker Ladius?"

Evil laughing came from the mic as Sound assumed that he would make it work by some ungodly way. "By the way, I have something that will make you say what."

"And what might that be, Ellis stayed as a child instead of become a woman in Gen 2?"

"Borgnine is a mage."

Silence hit the writer who remembered that Borgnine is far slower that any snail he has ever seen in terms of speed and it is even worse in magic. The larva is meant to be a wall, not a freaking mage while being a wall.

"I give up, you have broken the game."

"And also…"

"What now…?"

"Vashtor is also a mage."

"…"

* * *

**Author's Notes – **I still cannot believe that my friend has done all of this stuff by himself; it is so stupid. This is the stupidity that I enjoy in which makes my day sometimes. I do seriously wish this was a joke but sadly it is not.


End file.
